thoughts about stuff

There are so many things in my head and in my heart today. Mom has been moved for a little over 3 weeks. I am very sad that she has chosen to leave. But i have been handling it fairly well. To day i have gone though a huge tote of family pictures from my childhood. I was waayyy cute. the other two were too!!
I just tends to make me look back at how awesome things used to be and how they can change so fast.... with physical injuries and age and poor decision making. I look at pictures of me .... i think gosh how innocent was I? How wonderful things were. I always knew and i never took for granite the things that i treasure. Time with my family and not having to go to work everyday. Just being and learning and doing all the things that you do when you are little. I think i had some sort of unnatural insight. Something before my time that i knew this time was precious and i shouldn't waste it.
I made it last as long as possible.
But i should not make myself feel guilty about the things that are totally out of my control that have affected me and my family.
Really if you look back at things i think i have done over all a pretty outstanding job of handling all the things that have happened.
Jo and i have come a long way and learned a lot. It is even weird to look back 6 years ago at our wedding pictures. We were so young....
Each time i look at pictures i look back at some time not terribly far in the past and just wish oooo what i wouldn't give to be able to go back to then.. when... before.... and..... be there again.
I don't know maybe that sounds foolish.
We learned in the gospel principal class yesterday that not only did we agree to the plan that equals our life and the weird stuff that happens in it.. But we actually chose the specific trials that we were to experience. We didn't just agree to what was already laid out.... we said ... Heavenly Father.. would you work it out so that i could experience ... . such and such trial... because i really think it would help me grow in this area. Weird...
I cant remember who it was that said that and had that particular insight but i would love to find it and read the whole dream..